It Wasn't Fair
by hochmodel
Summary: (Male)CronaxKid It hurts when your friends don't understand the toll of abuse.
1. Chapter 1

It wasn't fair.

This wasn't how it was supposed to be.

Crona had been doing so well…

Kid had thought that, since Medusa was gone and the Kishin was defeated, Crona would begin to heal. But even someone as smart as him didn't know the toll of abuse on one's psyche.

They should have seen the signs. The nightmares had been growing worse. Crona would wake up screaming and crying, about punishments, about murder, about black blood. He cried harder when he realized that no one could hear him and, therefore, no one could comfort him. Crona might mention them the next day, but usually as nothing important and then would quickly change the subject.

He had been sleeping in class. He was turning in homework late, when he even did. His moves in training were getting sloppy. He shuffled to his small apartment every night after school, where he lived by himself.

There always had been small bags under his eyes, but now they were huge. His dark outlook on life had turned into pitch black. He spoke even less than usual, and even then, his stuttering was out-of-control.

Surprisingly, it was Kid, not Maka, who got the poor boy to ease up. Kid knew something about madness. Kid knew of mental inhibitions that no one could control. Kid knew about uncontrollable anxiety.

They grew close. They studied together, took classes together, and even went on a few missions together. At some point, Crona, with a glowing blush and a bashful expression, kissed Kid on the lips and ran off. Kid spent the entire evening questioning his sexuality, tearing his room and his hair to shreds. He decided he could make one exception to his usual heterosexual attraction.

So that's why Kid couldn't understand what happened.

Crona hadn't been at school and so Kid decided to check up on him after classes. He told Liz and Patti that he'll meet them at home. He walked over to the small apartment, for some reason, dreading the worst.

It was tiny. One bedroom, one bathroom, and a small kitchen. Crona had gotten it for cheap and Lord Death had to convince the landlord to rent it out to him because Crona was still a minor. Lord Death had been prepared to pay for all the expenses. Kid spent a week trying to get Crona to stop feeling guilty over it.

He knocked on the door. "Crona?" He called. No response. "Crona?"

He was going to walk away. After all, it's what a gentleman would do. But something told him not to walk away. Something told him to enter. Despite it being against everything he believed in, he gently opened the door. "Hello?"

He paled. His eyes widened. He could have thrown up.

Crona lightly swung from the ceiling fan, a noose around his neck. His pink hair fell in front of his face, his body limp. "CRONA!" Kid screamed as he clumsily got on the chair and untied the noose. Crona fell to the ground with a sharp "thud". Kid hopped off and looked for any signs of life on the limp, pale body.

Breathing. Crona was still breathing. This was good. This was very good. But he was still unconscious. With the aid of pure adrenaline, Kid picked Crona up bridal style and sped on over to the closest medic. He wiped the tears from his eyes. There was no time. He could feel the pain later.

Crona had to stay in the hospital until his mental health had recovered. He was forbidden to have visitors.

Maka couldn't stop crying when she had found out what had happened. Soul just took her in his arms and rocked her back and forth, shushing her as she wailed. The sisters just held each other, happy that there was no death, but sad that there was an attempt. BlackStar and Tsubaki just held each other's hands and looked at the ground. Kid stayed away from them. He ran his hands through his hair and sighed. The sisters had tried to comfort him multiple times, but he didn't ever budge.

Despite their grief, they carried on with life okay. They knew Crona would be out of the hospital sooner-or-later. Maka had already been planning a party for him when he got back.

Sometimes, Kid went to the hospital, anyway, even though Crona wasn't allowed visitors. Sometimes, he just put his hands on the door that separated them. And he imagined Crona was behind the door, smiling at him, telling him that he couldn't wait to see him and that everything would be okay. But Kid knew that would never happen. Crona wasn't by that door. Crona wasn't allowed near that door. And Crona wasn't leaving the hospital for a long time.


	2. Chapter 2

Kid sat quietly as Maka's house was being prepared.

Crona was being released from the hospital, today. He was going to take a small tram to Maka's house. Kid had wanted to be with him- make sure he knew the way- but his stomach was in knots.

Everyone else in the gang was bustling about. Maka was putting the finishing touches on the cake. Tsubaki had almost got the banner hung up. The sisters had placed flowers and candles all about the room tables in the room. The boys were wrapping his gift.

"Man, Kid looks really out of it. He's not checking the corners to make sure everything's symmetrical," Soul muttered to BlackStar.

BlackStar thought for a moment, his brows furrowed, his chin resting on his balled fist. "I got an idea!" He proudly shouted. He grabbed all the flowers from the left corner and put them in the right corner. "Kid?"  
Kid glanced over at him. "This is how you want it, right?"

It took Kid a minute, but eventually he screamed and rushed over. "Get your filthy asymmetrical hands off of those flowers!" He shouted as he laid all of them out on the ground. He began to furiously count each petal, just to be absolutely sure there were no problems. "Just in case Crona gets worried," he said as he finally stopped counting. "I wouldn't want the asymmetry to trigger him."

Soul blankly stared at him. "Uh huh."

"If h cared about symmetry so much, why is he with someone who doesn't have anything symmetrical about him," BlackStar whispered to Soul. Soul merely shrugged.

Kid had plucked exactly 3 petals from the roses in total to make them perfect before he dropped them on their respective sides of the room. "Perfect," he commented as he glowed.

He froze. Someone had quietly knocked at the door. Someone timid and shy.

"He's here!" Make celebrated as she ripped the door open and pulled Crona into a hug. Crona gently returned it.

"H-H-Hi...Maka..." Crona stuttered as she let him go. "I-I-It's good t-to see you..."

She took his arm and brought him inside. He covered his mouth with his hand, his eyes wide open in shock.

A purple banner hung that said, in big white letters, "WELCOME HOME CRONA!" Small candles smelled of lavender- his favorite scent- surrounded by roses, his favorite flower. Tsubaki held the cake proudly in her hands.

"You're back. Cool," Soul said as he playfully nudged Crona. BlackStar smiled as he ruffled his hair. Crona giggled and swatted BlackStars's hand away. The sisters ran over and squeezed him tightly.

"You're home! I'm so glad you're okay!" Liz said. Crona didn't hug them back, but smiled, anyway.

"Yeah. We all really missed you," Tsubaki said.

"Especially Kid," Patti added as they all stared at Kid.

Crona gulped. He was sure Kid was really angry with him. Kid had, after all, been the one that had found him and saved him by minutes.

The others fell silent. They knew Kid hadn't taken what had happened well at all. He didn't eat. He didn't sleep. He was grumpy and irritable and his symmetry obsession had been even worse than usual.

And Crona was not entirely wrong. Kid wasn't mad, but he was hurt. He was hurt that Crona had tried to abandon him. He was hurt that Crona hadn't thought about how his actions might affect the rest of them. He was hurt because he thought- no, hoped- that when Crona could finally see how much he was cared for, he wouldn't be so broken. But Kid was wrong. And he couldn't help but feel partially to blame.

Kid, with a stoic expression on his face, marched over to the pack. Crona trembled slightly, and prepared himself for Kid's wrath. He hid his face behind his hands, expecting a smack and some screaming. Instead, Kid gently took Crona in his arms and squeezed tightly. "Welcome home," he whispered in the boy's ear. "I was so worried."

Crona could have broken down right there, but he breathed back his tears and buried himself in Kid's chest. "I missed you," he whimpered.

"I missed you, too."

"Sit down. Tell us about the hospital," Liz requested. "I'm curious."

"Oh, um, okay," Crona said as Kid pulled away from him. They followed him to the couch. He sat down and gave them a shy smile with a small blush. "They were really friendly," he said. "Everyone was really nice. And they taught me some really cool stuff. I can deal with more things, now."

"That's wonderful!" Maka cheered, sitting beside him. Crona nodded.

"They said that if I had nightmares, I should count to ten and keep something relaxing by my bed, like a book. They also said that I need to talk to my teachers about a lighter work load. They gave me a note. They also mentioned that I should take up some sort of activity that's very low-stress, such as meditation."

"I heard they're really strict, there," BlackStar said, leaning against the wall. Crona nodded.

"We had to wear a uniform and be in our rooms before ten. We also weren't allowed to have anything sharp- even plastic knives. All of our food was cut for us." He cringed. "The food was awful."

"Did you make any friends?" Tsubaki asked, standing next to BlackStar. Crona happily nodded.

"His name was Takashei, and he was very nice. He used to fling peas into my food," he giggled.

Kid couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy. He had met someone new?

"So why'd you do it?" BlackStar asked him. The room fell into a tense silence. "Why'd you try to hang yourself?" Crona blushed and looked away, his head hung in shame. Kid, next to him, put a protective arm around his shoulder.

Soul smacked BlackStar in the back of the head. "BlackStar, stop it. That's rude."

"I'm curious," BlackStar snapped at Soul. "Crona hurt all of us. We deserve an explanation."

"I-I-I'm sorry...I didn't think..." Crona mumbled. "I n-n-never wanted..."

"So then why'd you do it?" BlackStar pressed on. "I don't get it. Medusa's gone. You're free. We all care about you. You go to a fantastic school. You're in relationship with a god. What's wrong?"

Crona stared at the ground. "You don't have to answer, Crona-" Maka began.

"No. BlackStar's right," Crona said as he sniffled. "I hurt you. I hurt you really badly. You deserve to know why." He took a deep breath, trying get control of his emotions. "I couldn't deal with the nightmares. I couldn't deal with the stress of school. And I couldn't deal with all the guilt of everything that happened. And I didn't think you would mind. I didn't think you would really care. I figured you'd be better off without me. I thought you were only my friends out of pity."

SMACK. Crona fell backwards onto the cushions. Maka, flushed and in tears, had her hand raised. Crona felt his stinging cheek. "That hurt!" He complained.

"Maka, why would you hit him?!" Kid shouted, now standing in front of Crona.

"How dare you!" Maka shouted at Crona, ignoring Kid. "How dare you doubt our intentions to be in your company! I helped you kill Medusa. I brought you here! And you think I did that because I pitied you?!" She screamed at him. Crona inched away from her red face. "I did all of this because I knew, deep down, you were a good person! And I knew you needed some guidance. And I like being with you. I like being around you," she said, softer than before. "You're a bag of nerves, but your also a bag of compassion and love. Everyone has their flaws. What makes you think yours are special?"

The room was tense. No one spoke. Finally, Kid sighed.

"Mental instability makes no sense," he finally said. "Crona's trauma at a young age really marked him. You may think this is illogical, but to him, it makes perfect sense." He brought a hand to his chest. "Everyone mocks me for my need for perfect symmetry, but to me, it makes perfect sense. I need it. And it's an unhealthy obsession, and it's an obsession that no one knows why I have, but it's part of who I am."

"Crona, why's didn't you ever come to us?" Tsubaki asked him.

"Lady Medusa said-" he began.

"Lady Medusa isn't here," Soul interrupted with a stern tone. "You have to find a way to break this hold she has over you. It's not cool."

"She can't hurt you, anymore," Maka told him. "She's not coming back."

Crona wiped his eyes. "You're right. I need to try to undo all the damage she did."

"And we'll be here every step of the way," Kid said as he held Crona's hand. Crona looked over at him and smiled.

"Now, how about that cake," Liz asked, smiling. "This party sure has become sad."


	3. Chapter 3

Crona felt a tad guilty as he got under the covers with Kid.

The party, after the whole spectacle from before, went off quite well. Everyone enjoyed the cake, which was delicious. Crona was able to catch up on what he had missed those two months he had gone. Fortunately, if a suicide attempt can have a fortunate side, he had attempted right on the cusp of summer vacation, so he did not need to repeat any of his classes.

Maka and Tsubaki took volunteering jobs at the local library. Soul and BlackStar battled everyday for training right outside the city. Kid and the sisters had been going on missions for Lord Death all summer. Crona couldn't help but be glad that Kid had a distraction through those months. He was happy they weren't too mopey and sad without him around. By the way Maka exploded, they had apparently really cared about him and were very upset to see him try to off himself.

Guilt had clenched at his throat the whole night. He didn't realize that they cared about him so much; even Kid, as much as Crona loved him. He thought Kid was only with him for pity. He could have sworn that those wonderful few months where Kid took him out for ice cream, taught him to play basketball, sat next to him in class, and talked all about his hopes, dreams, and fears...he honestly thought Kid was doing it only out of pity. And that thought tore him up, because he really, truly cared about Kid. He cared about what Kid cared about, even if it did mean folding the toilet paper into a triangle or not moving anything out of place. He didn't know how much pain he had caused them. So he promised himself that he would never attempt again. If he felt so desperate he would seek support; even check himself back into the hospital if he needed to.

When they had left Maka's place, Kid asked Crona to spend the night with him. Crona, at first, tried to protest, saying that he didn't want to impose. But Kid said that it would make him feel better. "I really don't want to spend all night wondering what you're going to do once you're alone back in that apartment."

So, here Crona was in Kid's bed. Kid, to make Crona more comfortable, offered to sleep on a nearby recliner. Crona denied him that. "N-N-No...I don't w-w-want..."

"Crona, it's okay. I don't mind," Kid said with a small smile.

Crona's face flushed, but he shook his head. He scooted over onto and gulped.

"T-T-There's room...here..."

Kid blushed and his eyes traveled down to the mattress. Crona had never, ever, let them sleep in the same bed together. Kid had offered several times but Crona was always too embarrassed to even sleep in the same room, much less on the same bed. Crona was very shy and was very inexperienced, sexually. He never went past a kiss, and every time Kid tried Crona flushed and found and excuse to leave. Kid was getting sexually frustrated. He WANTED to take Crona and make Crona pant and moan and scream his name, but Kid knew that it would be a long time coming.

Kid slowly lifted the covers and snuggled next to Crona. "Can we cuddle?" He asked. Crona nodded. Kid wrapped his arms around Crona's waist and nipped at his neck. Crona hissed and Kid apologized. "No...I, uh," Crona began, gripping the pillow. "I like it. I've always liked it."

"Then why did you always try to leave whenever I did something like that," Kid asked him.

"I was...embarrassed. I was afraid I would ruin things," Crona mumbled. "And I didn't want to be stared at. Being a same-sex couple is still taboo around here. I didn't know if I could deal with it."

"So then why do you want me to continue now?" Kid asked him, propping his head up.

"I need to deal with things," Crona said. "Like Soul said, I can't be afraid of everything for forever. And so...I w-w-w-want to do this."

"Let me know if you want to stop," Kid said as he returned to kissing Crona's neck. Crona nodded, his face bright red, his hands shaking. A small grunt escaped his mouth as Kid rubbed his hands over Crona's legs. "Do you like this?" Crona slowly nodded.

"Is it okay if I undress you?" Crona quickly shook his head. Kid bit back a sigh. He was horny, but it looks like he'd be taking care of that by himself.

'Now that I think about it,' Kid thought to himself. 'I've never seen Crona in anything but long clothes. Always this robe or always pants and a long-sleeved shirt. I've never actually seen anything but his head and hands. Even at the beach, Crona wears a sweat suit."

"Crona, I've noticed that you never wear anything that exposes any skin. Is there any reason why?" Kid asked him. Crona didn't answer. "Are you awake?" Crona slowly nodded.

"Scars," Crona finally croaked out. "I-I-I don't w-w-want anyone to see..."

"Scars from what?" Kid asked. He had an idea, but he wanted to be sure.

"Lady Medusa. Ragnarock," Crona quietly replied, tightening his grip on the pillow. "They're asymmetrical," he added, as if to deter Kid's curiosity.

"And so is your hair. But I haven't run away screaming from that," Kid stated, snaking his arms back around Crona's waist. "Is that what your nightmares were about?"

"Sometimes," Crona said. "Sometimes the missions I had to do for Lady Medusa, where I had to hurt people," he added. "Sometimes about what would have happened if we didn't win against the kishin."

Kid squeezed him. "Lady Medusa is gone. You will never have to do evil for her, again. And we won. Try to remember that when you go to sleep at night." Crona nodded.

Kid was about to turn over when he heard Crona's voice. "K-K-Kid.."

"Yes?" Kid asked

Crona didn't respond, but in the dark Kid could see Crona's trembling hands undo the first few buttons of his robe and shed it.

His skin was pale- almost translucent. His shoulders and upper back where covered in cuts; sometimes looking like scratches made by fingernails, others from what looked like knives. There was one area where Kid could tell that Crona had been hit by a blunt object. On one shoulder, there was a burn mark. Down his back, there were welts. This is just his upper back. What would the rest of his body look like?

Kid felt his blood boil. He wanted to resurrect Medusa and kill her again. He wanted to make her feel every scratch, knick, stab, and burn ten fold. He wanted to beat her senseless.

But feeling this way wouldn't make Crona heal. Crona was trusting him more than he had probably ever trusted anyone. He never let anyone see what he looked like, ever.

So, Kid kissed his marks. He could feel Crona gasp in shock and tense his body, but there was no protest, so he continued.

He found the end of the undone cloth, so he slowly pulled it down. There was still no protest. "Are you awake?" Kid asked. Crona nodded. Kid took that as consent and continued down.

The rest of his back looked about the same. Burn marks, long-closed wounds...Crona remained silent the whole time, not moving a muscle.

Kid felt Crona's leg under the robe. Nothing. "Are you okay with me doing this?" There was a long pause before Crona nodded once more. So Kid continued.

He felt the uneven skin and the scabs. He felt very sensitive areas, places that had been bruised badly and haven't quite healed just yet. His heart ached for poor Crona. No wonder the boy had nightmares. No wonder he was still under Medusa's thumb.

Crona turned over and buried his head in Kid's chest. Kid was expecting tears, given that he had just exposed the worst parts of his life for the world to see, but his eyes were dry. "Are you okay with this?" Kid asked. "Do you want me to stop?" Crona shook his head.

Kid made his way to Crona's boxers and dipped his index finger underneath. Crona gasped. Kid went further down and squeezed Crona's butt. "K-K-Kid?"

Kid pulled his hand out. "What is it?"

Crona gulped, his face bright red, before he slowly and gently reached down to Kid's pants and squeezed the crotch area. Kid gasped. Crona yanked his hand away like he had been burned. "I-I-I'm sorry, d-d-did I do..."

"It was fine," Kid said. "It felt good."

Burying his head in the pillow, Crona used his hand to rock the bulge back and forth. Kid gripped the sheets. "Crona..." he moaned. "W-W-Why?"

Crona took his glowing face out of the pillow. "Because you want to," he said. "And because I want to, too."

Kid shuddered. "As you wish."

Crona took his hand, licked it, and gently snaked his hand into Kid's boxers. Kid grunted as Crona stroked him. Crona closed his eyes and put his hand back under the pillow.

"Faster," Kid grunted as Crona gently stroke him. Crona nodded and obeyed. Kid gripped the pillow and gasped. Crona's hand was soft and limber.

The room was silent beside the occasional gasp or moan. Neither boy said anything to the other, Crona too embarrassed, Kid too distracted. It wasn't perfect by any means. Crona's hand was tense and the spit was drying, making the experience a little painful, but Kid never said anything. This was Crona's first time and Kid knew the first time was never the ideal time, not to mention Crona didn't need anymore help in lowering his self-esteem.

"Just a little more," Kid muttered. "That's it. That's-aaaahh..." He moaned, finally ejaculating.

He sat up. "Now it's your turn," he said with a small smirk. Crona quickly shook his head and turned around, curling up under the blanket. Kid sighed. "Well, I guess we should clean the sheets."

Kid looked under the blanket before he yelped. "It's not symmetrical! It can't be cleaned like this!"

Crona, his nose scrunched in disgust, smeared the sticky liquid all over the sheets. "H-H-How about now?"

Kid paused for a moment. That was so sweet of Crona to do...tend to his needs, no matter how strange they may be. The smearing was far from symmetrical but Kid would have to try to handle it. He kissed Crona's cheek. "It's perfect. Just get up really quickly so I can take it off."

Crona nodded and slowly put his feet on the ground, lifting his delicate frame off the bed. Kid grabbed the ends of the sheets and stripped them off. He pulled on some pants and gathered up the sheets. "I'll be back." He left the room.

Crona put his head back down on the pillow and wrapped the blanket around him. He closed his eyes and smiled.

Kid came back into the room. "Crona, I have to put other sheets on," he said.

"I'm comfortable l-l-l-like this," Crona replied.

Kid smiled and got under the covered beside Crona. He kissed Crona's head. "As you wish."


	4. Chapter 4

And so the days went like that. It was the last few weeks of summer and Crona was often alone. He moved back into his apartment with Kid's help.

He had visited Maka and Tsubaki at the library that they volunteered at. He preferred the girls company to the boys; they were much more mild and soft-spoken than Soul or BlackStar. He spent a good portion of his time reading various books- everything from fantasy to science-fiction to biographies to science textbooks, he stuck in his little corner and just read.

It was the only way he knew of that he could get off his mind what he had done to the others. Kid was not happy about Crona moving back into his old place. Even though Kid tried to hide his fear behind a mask of apathy, Crona could tell he was still scared that Crona would vanish before his very eyes forever.

But who could he go to for help? He couldn't afford a therapist or a formal diagnosis for anything, even though he had a very strong suspicion he was suffering from PTSD. Miss Marie was gone and every other teacher terrified him.

He didn't deserve all this love. He was a murderer. He was mentally unstable. But, for some reason, he was loved, anyway. And he wasn't going to hurt his friends by doubting them, again.

He stumbled on a dusty old book on anxiety. With bubbling curiosity, he dragged his finger down the spine before he grabbed it and flipped through it.

He flipped through the pages. For a library book, it sure had a lot of notes written inside. There was highlighting and color coding, underlining, and small words in the margins of the page."This paragraph isn't symmetrical," the note read. "I can't make it stop bothering me."

Crona gasped and almost dropped it.

'Has Kid read this, before?' Crona thought to himself, wide-eyed with his hands shaking. 'These are his private notes. I shouldn't read them.'

But he couldn't bring himself to put it back. Here was Kid's vulnerable side. Here, in Crona's hands, was his thoughts and his insecurities. Crona might never get the chance, again. And it was here in the library. Kid must have known someone was going to pick it up at some point...right?

So, Crona continued to flip through it, pausing whenever he read some of Kid's neat handwriting- words he probably spent hours on just to make them perfect.

"I can't make my obsession go away."  
"Why isn't this working?"  
"My obsessions are interfering with my life."  
"I almost killed myself because I hate my stripes so much."  
"This book is worthless."  
"My father doesn't understand my obsession. I feel as though he's disappointed in me."  
"I had to skip a mission today because my room wasn't straight. I can't be a grim reaper like this."  
"Someone help me."

Crona brought his hand to his open mouth and sniffled. He felt the pain, the confusion, the anger and the sadness jump off the page. Kid had always acted like he just knew his OCD was part of him and he didn't care enough to try to fix it, but Crona was wrong. Kid cared. He cared very much. His need for perfection had almost killed him. He felt isolated from everyone, including his own dad. He felt unfit to do his job.

Tucking the book under his armpit, Crona rushed out of the library, much to the confusion of the other girls. He bolted through the streets to get to mansion where Kid and his weapons lived, ignoring the confused stares from the other citizens.

He frantically banged on the door, calling Kid's name.

Liz opened the door, confusion and concern etched on her face. "What's wrong?"

"Where's Kid?" Crona replied, taking the book and cradling it in his hands.

Liz looked behind her. "He's doing his homework in the study. Why?"

Ignoring her, Crona sped by her and pushed his way into the study.

Kid, startled, almost dropped his papers as he saw the pink-haired boy put his hands on his knees and pant, holding a book in his hands. Frowning, Kid pushed his chair back and stood up. "Crona, what's wrong?" He asked, bending down to see Crona eye-to-eye.

Responding with deep pants, Crona just gave him to book in the library. Confused, Kid took it and examined it. He blushed and looked away. He stood back up and put it on a bookshelf beside him.

He felt arms wrap around his waist and pull him close. "I'm so sorry," Crona said, mumbled into his jacket. "I didn't know you were in so much pain."

Kid didn't reply. He had always just tried to pass it off as a quirk he just had. He had never told anyone, not even his own dad, how much it actually killed him inside to be afflicted with such crippling anxiety. Crona was the last person he hoped would find that book filled with his tortured thoughts as he desperately tried to find a way to quell his obsessions.

But Kid could say the same about Crona. Crona couldn't mask his emotions like Kid could, but Crona always tried to pass off his problems like they were no big deal. He had never gone into detail about Medusa's abuse. He had very rarely mentioned any nightmares he might have had. He never told them how little schooling he had before the DWMA and how his grades suffered as a result.

Both of them gave off the illusion that they were strong and they could handle themselves. In reality, though, they were ill and they needed someone.

Kid, his hair covering his tear-filled eyes, turned around and pulled Crona into a tight hug in return. "I'm sorry, too," he mumbled.


End file.
